i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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