billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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