North Korea, Best Korea!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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