i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
