i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
