how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
