fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
