I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize