"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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