Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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