I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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