I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
