my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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