Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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