I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize