Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
