The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
