Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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