Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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