im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
