Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
