I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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