i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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