on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
