he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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