he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
