oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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