How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
