I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
