I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
