Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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