She's JV to your varsity
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
