she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
