My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize