Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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