I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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