worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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