At least make sure they are 18
Why
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
