drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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