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A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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