if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
