Everything about him screamed your future.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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