um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
