ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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