wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
