we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
