I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
