i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
