Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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