I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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