You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
