just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's like iHOP with fire
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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