I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
