so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
jump out the window naked night went bad
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
