Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
