Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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