My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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