My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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