omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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