You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
