i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize