i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
