i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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