you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
