I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
