It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize