she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
