What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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