I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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