EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
