You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
