Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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