Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dignity is for republicans.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
