dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
