dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
