Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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