I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
