bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
