Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There r osticjed everywhere
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
