So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
