Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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