I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
