Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm always down for nudity.
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