My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
