The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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