I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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