Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
