I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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