Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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