So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
