He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
