Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize